In my ever-evolving quest to recognize the books that I read and enjoy (but without writing reviews (because I am terrible at that)), I give out awards that highlight some of my favorite things about the books I’ve read over the past month. (Except a couple of days late this time, due to the YA Scavenger Hunt over the weekend.) And since my bookmark is a shark – a bookshark, if you will – I call them the Sharkys. And because March was the release month of Croak, here is a shark being ridden by a top-hatted Captain America holding a scythe. Naturally.
I don’t know what’s going on here, but I fully support it.
On to the awards!
* denotes fellow Apocalypsies
Zorro the raccoon, from Above World by Jenn Reese*
I would like to know when the Zorro line of critter gadgets goes on sale at the Apple store, because I want a pack of twelve. Not only is he furry and adorable, but he plugs in to various technology and can turn it on and do stuff to it! He’s basically the best pet ever, unlike my cat, who is not compatible with any gizmos and who instead just knocked over a plant. GOD.
The A Beautiful Mind Award for Making Me Want To Construct A Giant Corkboard To Keep Track Of The Clues and Suspects:
Slide, by Jill Hathaway*
See, I was in a murder mystery theater group in college, so I really, really wanted to solve this thing. So I came up with several fairly logical conjectures. Then an equal amount of wild, brain-damaged guesses. I started cooking up all kinds of conspiracy theories. I started to think that EVERY single character was a suspect. And even then, I only figured it out mere pages before the big reveal. Damn you Jill and your well-plotted web of lies!
Clarity, Kim Harrington
I went on a family vacation to Cape Cod once. (My mother gave it the seal of approval because it had mini golf, as she does not consider a location a viable travel option unless it has mini golf.) It was lovely. And this book brought it all right back – the food, the sights, the beach, the psychic families and the serial killers they hunt – wait, no. That was a welcome new addition, and it will probably soon be turned into a mini golf theme. Pirates can’t have all the fun, am I right?
Ditched, by Robin Mellom*
It’s hard – nay, impossible – to pick one favorite line out of this book, because the whole darn thing was hilarious. I started keeping track of the best ones and then gave up because it was a lost cause and I ended up guffawing on every page. That’s right. Guffawing. But oh man, something about this one really tickled me:
[in describing Gilda, the woman who works at 7-11]
She looks like she belongs in a music video for the country song playing over the speakers. Like she’d play the part of the consoling wise aunt who doles out good obvious advice: Stop drinkin’ and smokin’ and gettin’ so many abortions, honey!
Best Argument For A Cashless Society:
Fair Coin, by E.C. Myers*
Listen, if credit cards were the only method of payment in our world, we wouldn’t have cash. If we didn’t have cash, we couldn’t have spare change. And if we didn’t have spare change, there’s no way I could one day mistakenly accept a DEMON COIN into my life to take me on a rollercoaster ride of an adventure and screw up everything I ever held dear. But then again, in this proposed parallel universe of mine, this fun book wouldn’t exist. And that would be a bad thing.
Best Accidental Commercial For How Awesome The Future Will Be:
Starters, by Lissa Price*
According to this book, there are a lot of cool things awaiting us in the future – hologram movies, clothing that changes colors, something called air yogurt. But the scariest, of course, is the fact that the elderly will be able to take over the bodies of the young without consent. And that’s all well and horrifying, true…but guys, in the future, we’re going to be the old folks. Who cares about those whiny future kids? I personally can’t wait to take over the bodies of strapping young teenagers so that I may daub my bingo cards with vim and vigor.
Best Revisionist History:
The Astonishing Adventures of Fanboy and Goth Girl, by Barry Lyga
The main character in this book is kind of a jerk, but he’s a smart jerk, so when his history teacher asks him for the single cause of the Great Depression he tells her it was because of the Great Ecuadorian Tortoise Blight of 1928. And she believes him. And actually, I kind of wish it really were the cause of the Great Depression. Although, then that would mean lots of dead tortoises. Which is even more depressing.