Adventures in Sentient Ballooning

Something so ridiculous, so stupid, so unintentionally hilarious happened this past weekend that I just had to share it – even though I’m well aware that it has absolutely no bearing on your life, my life, or really anyone’s life, past, present, or future.

Here’s the backstory: When Croak first came out two months ago, my lovely family sent me a congratulatory bouquet of about seven or eight balloons to celebrate the release date. (One had a grim reaper on it, for the win.) Unsurprisingly, most of these balloons shriveled and died soon thereafter – but surprisingly, a couple of them still remained inflated, floating up in the air like proud little mylar peacocks.

Cut to me and Will taking full advantage of the sunny holiday weekend by lounging corpselike in front of the television. So we’re sitting there watching The Soup and enjoying Joel’s charming take on America’s latest reality TV foibles, when out of the corner of our eyes we suddenly notice a pair of balloons drifting past the doorway from the living room to the dining room, as if to say: “Oh hey, guys. Just wanted to say hi before heading into the hallway. No big deal. Go back to your Kardashians.”

Needless to say, by this point we had practically laughed ourselves into unconsciousness, a situation worsened by the fact that the balloons continued out into the hallway, turned the corner, and then came back into the living room via the second doorway, as if to say: “Oh, I forgot to tell you: I bumped into Sharon the other day. She says hi.”

Turns out one of our cats had bitten through the string that had kept the balloons tethered to earth, so now they were free to roam around the house, an activity that they continued through the rest of that day and the rest of the weekend, like we’d adopted a new breed of quiet, ethereal, and slightly creepy cat.

I happened to be stuck at home all Saturday writing, so in order to distract procrastinate amuse myself, I documented the balloons’ adventures and maintained a live texting commentary to my sister, who I knew would appreciate this sort of thing. And so what follows is our conversation along with the photos I sent, reprinted in its entirety. Keep in mind that none of these were posed or contrived in any way – the balloons just drifted and did their thing, and I kept springing up to take photos of it all like a mental patient. Enjoy!

Me: One of the cats bit the balloons free, and now they’re floating around the house of their own volition like a hilarious blimp.

Lisa: Hahahahaha LOVE IT

They just stopped in my office to say hi, then continued down the hallway.

I’m dying in a diner right now…

I have been cackling like a crazy person for about twenty minutes.

We were watching TV when it first showed up and drifted into the room and we lost our damn minds.

It’s headed for the window!


They got caught in the fan!

I was just reading and they came over to visit/stare at me

Um, I know better than to have to tell you to do this as I’m sure you’re concocting it up as we speak but I hope to Christ you’re gonna do a blog post on this

It writes itself!


It went upstairs!

You’ve got a drafty apartment

(And then we took a break to nonsensically quote a couple of lines from and have a conversation about the movie Beethoven. True story.)

Balloons like Friends too!

Now it’s getting sleepy, heading off to bed.

Absolutely delightful. This whole series has been fantastical

(And then we break once again to trade a couple of quotes from Hot Shots, naturally, and then finally:)

It wants in on the cat food.



  1. Hahaha omg I just laughed myself silly XD There you sit on the couch, jus’ chillin’, and suddenly something comes floating down the hallway…. Love your commentary!

  2. This was bizarre and hilarious. I hope to god you don’t get up in the dark one night to go to the bathroom and inadvertantly run into one of these! Evil laugh…Ha ha
    Will you family send more balloons when book two releases for more fun?

  3. Maybe it’s because I’ve been burning CDs all day, but I just lost my damned mind over this post.

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