The Theme Tree

First of all, this.

Second of all, because laughter is essential, this:

At least five times a day I tell my husband, “Hey, Will, I have a fun idea,” and pretty much every time I am answered with an begrudging sigh and a “What now?” The holiday installment of this exchange involved me wanting to make our Christmas tree a theme tree.

“Like, I don’t know, a book tree!” I exclaimed. “Or a panda tree! I can make all the ornaments myself, and I can do a new one every year! It’ll be so cool!”

“No,” said Will.

Upon the veto, I immediately made a NEW plan to buy and decorate my OWN theme tree so that he may stick THAT in his pipe and SMOKE IT. And so I give you:

That’s 34 labeled mustache ornaments, made by me with a little help from my friend Michael (the craft store, not a human person, though to me he may as well be…)

The garland is made of crocheted bacon:

And to top it all off, a mustache of considerable size and import:

Listen America, I think we can all agree that mustaches are fashionable and bacon is delicious, right? Good? We’re all agreed? Then let’s never speak of them again, or make novelty toys and mugs and t-shirts and wallets and flavored vodka out of their likenesses. Have you ever had mustache-flavored vodka? It’s not good.

Let this tree be the end. Together, we can make this happen.