A peek inside the revision cave

Sketch 2015-04-30 14_05_35
The first draft of my latest book is due to my editor next week, so for the past few days I’ve turned into the elusive Revision Hermit, a creature that flinches at the light of day and makes elaborate sculptures out of paper clips and repeatedly mutters the cryptic words, “cut paste copy find replace cut paste copy find replace…CAPS? Strike….through…”

So I’d like to take a moment to rip back the curtain. The writer’s life ain’t a glamorous one, folks. It is hair-pulling and screen-staring. It is coffee by the Olympic-sized-swimming-poolful. Here is a list of things that I have done in the past week that I don’t normally do in my daily life:

  • plot the murder of my leaf-blowing, lawn-mowing neighbors
  • eat a lot of canned soup
  • go on a desperate field trip to a flagship store for research/stalling purposes (more on that in a future post)
  • try to draw a map of a location in the book but instead end up with something that looks like Grimace:
  • spend a couple of hours wondering what Grimace is
  • surreptitiously feed the cat Cheez-Its because EVEN IF THIS BOOK TURNS OUT TO BE SHIT, YOU STILL LOVE ME RIGHT CAT
  • write things on my big dry erase board
  • erase things off the dry erase board
  • ram head against the dry erase board
  • forego bathing
  • ignore every email that comes into my inbox
  • ignore all social media
  • ignore everything that’s happening in the world
  • check in on what’s happening in the world
  • despair for the state of the world
  • return to work and try to remember that books matter, especially in this state of the world
  • blog
  • try to convince self that blogging is not stalling
  • see through the ruse
  • blog anyway
  • go back to work for real, kicking and screaming and hurling dry erase markers everywhere

I’m going to back to work now. Send Cheez-Its!



  1. I heard on the radio recently that Grimace is apparently meant to be the embodiment of a milkshake.

    I don’t know how anyone was supposed to pick up on that either.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s